


4:28pm

by xyliane



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, End of Series Emotions, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:36:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xyliane/pseuds/xyliane
Summary: They made the decision together that they would be apart. So why is it so hard to leave?





	

**Author's Note:**

> (the afternoon before the world tree)

Sunbeams filter through a hole in the windowshades, catching particles of dust and making them dance in the afternoon light. It’d be pretty, if Killua cared for that sort of thing. But all he cares about is the way it makes Gon look, brown eyes almost golden with unshed tears.

“Would you do it again?” he says.

It’s a question neither of them want. Killua knows, now, that there are things he could have said, realized long before everything, that snowballs into maybes and perhapses. But that's not what happened.

And Gon doesn’t answer, not even after apologizing again and again and again until _I_ _’m sorry_ hangs in the air like mist, seeping into every thought and every movement. That he has nothing he can say now is almost worse than if he could just tell Killua what he is thinking. More than two years of being together, of knowing all there is to know about each other, and it’s on their last day that Gon can’t say anything other than a deep, heartfelt, “I’m sorry for everything.”

Everything?

Does it have to be _everything?_

Because Killua has so many everythings he never wants Gon to apologize for.

“That’s not good enough,” Killua hears his voice say. It sounds hollow and coarse, like sandpaper against his tongue.

Gon shrinks into himself, shoulders hunched and protecting himself against blows he can’t stop. “I don’t know what else to say.”  

Neither does Killua, and he isn’t sure how he could. And now they have to say goodbye, Killua wanting something he doesn’t know how to ask for.  

“And I don’t want to say goodbye,” Gon says, rubbing the back of his sleeve across his cheeks. It only makes the mess worse, and Killua wants to grin, wants to tell him it’ll be just like always. That someone has to keep his stupid, idiotic, wonderful best friend from hurting himself because who knows what’ll happen if they’re not together.

(But that moment already passed and now Killua has other people that rely on him too. People he’s ignored for too long.)

He carefully wipes Gon’s cheeks instead and tries to ignore how his best friend unconsciously leans away from the touch. “It’s not forever,” he promises. “Just for a while, until Alluka sees what she wants to and we know Nanika’s safe.”

“Just for a while,” Gon echoes. He sniffs, and tries to smile. It’s enough to make Killua want to cry, to shake the entire building down out of frustration. “Right.”

He doesn’t believe Killua. It’s not that he doesn’t want to—Gon always wants to believe Killua, because he believes _in_ Killua. But if Killua leaves without Gon, there’s no telling if they’ll ever see each other again, if they’ll even be together. That’s how it works, right? That’s how it always works. And there’s nothing to keep it from happening again now, with the most important person in his life leaving (forever).

The approaching crack in the world grows closer with every passing second, and Gon can’t do anything about it, because he gave up everything already.

But Killua _can_. One last time, he can do anything for his best friend.

Gon’s wrist is grabbed and tugged towards Killua before either of them can blink, Killua brusquely untangling the fist Gon’s made of his hand until it is splayed against his. It’s a hand he knows better than his own most days, one he could trace from memory and not miss a single line, fingers short and strong but now missing the familiar callouses and scars they had built from training and fighting together.

“What are you doing?” Gon asks.

Killua links their pinky fingers, hating how even that touch makes his best friend flinch. He tightens the grip nonetheless. “This is how you make promises, right? So you’ll believe me if I do it this way.”

“You don’t need—”

“Yes, I do.” Gon’s made these promises to people more times than Killua can count, the words a chant that has burned its way into Killua’s memories. But Killua’s never had to do anything like this, to make it so someone else believes it, too. Because if Gon doesn’t believe, doesn’t _want_ …

He doesn’t think he could handle that.

“I promise we’ll see each other again, if you promise you’ll bring me a better apology,” he says, more confident than he feels. “And I promise I’ll never forget you as long as you don’t forget about me.”

Gon’s eyes are bright as he watches Killua shake their hands up and down, one two three. “I could never forget you,” he says quietly.

Killua takes a shuddering breath and continues, ignoring as best he can the prickling at the back of his eyes. “And if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles. Which wouldn’t hurt me, anyways. I’m stronger than a stupid needle.”

“Of course you are, Killua,” Gon says, and lets out a puff of laughter, a crack in the tension making them both stiff, a tension that has never been there before. It’s a melody that gives Killua courage, makes his heart beat five times too fast as long as he doesn’t think he’ll never hear it again.

And then the sound is abruptly cut off because Killua presses his lips to Gon’s, eyes screwed shut so he doesn’t have to see the way Gon’s shimmer with barely unshed tears. It’s barely more than a brief touch, hardly enough to really count as a kiss, with their noses out of sync and their hands caught awkwardly between their bodies. Killua’s never kissed anyone before. He doesn’t know how to make it more than what it is.

But it’s a promise.

They don’t realize they’ve both been holding their breath until Killua pulls back and Gon begins to move again, tiny tremors like butterfly wings spreading from his shoulders and down his arms to where Killua holds his hands. He gulps down air into suddenly starving lungs. “Wh—what, Killua…?”

“Sealed with a kiss,” Killua says, and his voice shakes worse than Gon’s. “I promised. And I don’t break my promises. So you can’t break yours.”

Gon bursts into tears, face buried into unblemished and unscarred hands. “I won’t, Killua. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> turns out rewatching the whole series with a friend is just as painful as watching it on your own. surprise! as per usual, [crosspost from tumblr](https://xyliane.tumblr.com/post/157258028323/428pm)


End file.
